Ugh! Light! What time is it? I pry my eyelids apart to look at the clock. 7:30.
You should probably get up, my responsible conscience tells me, ‘and get ready so you can go vote.’ It’s November 2, 2004 and all of the Political Science classes have been cancelled for the day to encourage voter turnout.
I should get up, I think, even as my consciousness slips under. I know our government requires responsible citizenship to function at its best. I know it’s said that you can’t complain if you don’t vote. I know there are many third, and even second and first world countries that do not have the political freedoms we have available to us in the United States of America. I know. Too tired. I can go after school. And so I sleep for another hour. After all, you don’t have to be first in line to be responsible. I have been excited to vote, though – this will be my first presidential election.
An hour later and I make myself get up. I’m still exhausted, but that’s nothing new: 15 credit hours at the University and either burn-out or let-down in every other part of a life can do that to a person. Fiddler on the Roof had ended mid-September and that had been my escape.
‘Escape?’ you ask. ‘Escape from what?’ Escape from the responsibilities of the eldest and the unreachable but still required expectations of the father. Escape from the diagrams keeping track of how much of the house still needed painted. Escape from keeping the house immaculate for sale so that we can move to a house that doesn’t have so many stairs so Mom can use her wheelchair. Escape from the sale that fell through taking my hopes of relief with it.
Escape from the schedules compulsively drawn by a psyche overwhelmed with responsibility placed in the same time restraints all others must live under. Escape from a mother’s many debilitating illnesses, her resulting dependence, anxiety, and depression, and the strain of being the dependable turn-to for everyone needing something and everything needing done. Escape from my dependability being expected, demanded, but never appreciated. Escape from Mom’s whimpering and moaning when the pain was too much and knowing there was nothing I could do to take it away. Escape from the panic that I wouldn’t be able to maintain it all taking the rest of the energy I didn’t have to keep the panic at bay.
But the show was over and there was no escape. Religion brings enough relief to continue, but Dad’s attacks lessen what relief it could give. I am an active member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, more commonly known as LDS or Mormons. So is my Dad. But where I took refuge in going to church, activities with my singles' ward (read 'geographic congregation' for 'ward'), and would spend what free hours I could at the Institute building (a religious education system the church provides as companion to higher secular education), Dad sees my activity only in regards to and as intended commentary on his own scattered attendance. "You think you're better than us because you go to all your meetings, but you're just a self-righteous, hypocritical Pharisee and you know what the Savior thought of them!"
No, there was no escape. While Mom was sick, my personal purpose, and therefore my identity and resulting satisfaction, would be found in knowing I was doing everything I could to limit Mom’s difficulties so she would have the energy to fight on. Meanwhile, I too must fight on.
I take a quick pit-stop in the bathroom and then head downstairs to grab some breakfast. J’s already up and watching cartoons from the daybed Mom used to occupy before she moved upstairs permanently. J’s ten and the youngest of the four girls. Her track is off in the over-crowded year-round school system remedy which means I don’t need to worry about getting her there.
I head back upstairs to take a shower. I glance into Mom’s room and notice she’s sleeping. It looks like she fell asleep while stretching her back – mid-twist. I consider waking her since her position is sure to cause soreness later, but decide against it. Sleep has been difficult for her to come by of late and if she’s able to sleep, it is best to let her. And so I shower.
I love showers. I love the feel of the water in constant rhythm against my skin, washing everything away. I love the smell of the soap that makes me imagine I am somewhere far away myself. I love the smell of the shampoo and conditioner, too: ocean breeze. I’ve only been to the ocean once, but I remember how big it was, the smell, and the feeling that I was on the edge of the world and that all I had to do was step across that edge and I could be anywhere. Yes, I love showers. It is good that the water heater is limited in size for life cannot be lived in a shower.
The shower’s over and I finish getting ready. Mom’s still sleeping. I go downstairs and pull my backpack together. J’s watching Scooby Doo. She’s wearing her purple bathrobe and her Scooby Doo slippers. She says she’s already eaten. I ditch my bag on the piano bench by the front door to wake Mom before I leave. She’s been in the same position for too long – she needs to move so the pain will be limited. Hopefully the pain won’t be too bad, but she needed the sleep.
I stand at her door and call a few times. She really must be tired. I negotiate my way to her side of the bed and gently shake her shoulder. She is twisted to the right with her left arm stretched across and her face hidden in her right arm and under her hair. She does not respond.
“Mom? Please wake up – you’re scaring me.”
I’ve had CPR and First-Aid training many times. I know that you’re supposed to try to get a response. If they don’t respond to normal sound, you try physical touch and calling more loudly – in their ear if need be. I choose proximity to decibels, mindful of J downstairs. No response. My pulse quickens even as it runs chill. I circle to the other side of the bed to try shaking more directly. Still nothing. My mind catalogs the details that she’s cold and stiff and maybe even blue but I force them under lock and key: I am not a doctor and I know high anxiety can be the cause of mistakes. I search for a pulse and find none. It was never this hard to find during certification, but then again, I was never trying to find it under mounting pressure.
I spend a minute debating inside whether to bother Dad or not. He left early this morning to go back to Jackson Hole to finish his repairs. I’m wary of calling 911 for the same reason. What if I’m missing something? What if I make a big deal out of a little thing and add more stress to everyone’s life – be it in bothering Dad or an ambulance and emergency room bill and then find out it isn’t anything to worry about? Heaven knows we have enough medical bills. I decide to call Dad and let him decide.
He answers and I tell him I can’t get Mom to wake up. He says to call 911 and to call G. When he asks, I tell him I hadn’t before because I was afraid I was missing something that meant it was ok. I think he hears the repressed panic in my voice. He says, “Call G, call 911.” I am confused. Which one do I call first – he gave different orders. Dad is frustrated. “Call 911 first, then call G.” He hangs up so I can call 911.
“911, what’s your emergency?”
“My mom won’t wake up.”
“Where is your location?” I give my address. “Is she breathing?”
“I can’t tell. She’s rolled over. I don’t think so.”
“Roll her onto her back.”
“I can’t. I never could on my own. She always had to help.”
“Is there anyone there with you?”
“My little sister’s downstairs.”
“Have her help.”
“No. She’s only 10.”
“Well, if you’re not going to cooperate, there’s nothing else I can do. The ambulance is on its way and should be there shortly.” She hangs up.
Now to call G. G. One of Mom's friends. She had been, and maybe she still is, Mom's visiting teacher (read a buddy-system in our church's women's society) and is one of the few who have been at ease with Mom and her sever illnesses, having one herself. She's a tiny little woman with a whole lot of heart. Call G. I don’t know her number. I can’t find Mom’s ward directory by her bed. I look in the kitchen and at the desk and still I can’t find it. I ask J if she knows where it is. She looks, I look. I freeze when I see her coming down the stairs with it in her hand. I can’t tell her – she’s only 10. I can’t tell myself – this is my whole identity.
I call G. I tell her Mom won’t wake up. I tell her an ambulance is coming. Can she come over? She says they’ll be there in a minute. I call Sister F, too. She brought her puppy over once to visit with Mom. I think she’s the Relief Society President. She’s not, but she says she’ll get a hold of the people who need to know.
I hear a knock. It’s the first EMT guy. That was fast. It had only been a few minutes. I hadn’t heard a siren. J’s still watching Scooby Doo and doesn’t even notice as I lead him to Mom. He throws the bed-side table down the walkway so he can get to Mom uninhibited. I crouch to pick up the laptop and get everything out of harm’s way. I stand in time to see him roll her over. I see her face and the lock-down is complete. Her mouth is stretched into a grin and there is a purple pooling around her cheeks and nose as though blood had settled underneath the skin. The EMT sees my face and makes me leave. I have to stay downstairs, he says.
More EMTs come up as I go down. G and her son, Z, squeeze past with the group. J is starting to notice and wants to know what is happening. Dad calls back and wants to know what is happening, too. I tell him the EMTs are upstairs with her. A police officer is there and I pass the phone to him. He tells Dad that there is no word yet. Dad is coming home. I don’t know what G tells J. Maybe the officer talks to her.
G asks if she can get me anything. I tell her I want my quilt. I tell her they said I can’t go up there. She sneaks up and gets it for me. I wrap it tight.
More people come. Relief Society sisters, the home ward Bishop - Bishop S. Sister F must have called them. Uncle S and Aunt T show up, too. Dad must have called them. My Bishop - Bishop U - and his wife come. I called them.
The EMT comes down. “I’m sorry,” he says. “We did all we could. She was already dead.”
Somebody holds J.
The police officer tells us they have called the mortuary. We can go see her one last time before they come for her body. I am afraid. The church support group says I should not be. I want them to see the death mask so they will understand. We go upstairs. Mom is lying on the floor next to the bed. A blanket covers her so that only her face shows. The blood pool is gone. They don’t understand. The mortuary comes and they make us, me and J, stay downstairs while they take the body. Someone stands in the way so I won’t see anything through the railing.
G asks if I want to sleep. I don’t want to close my eyes. Dad calls back. I think Uncle S tells him, maybe Bishop S. Bishop S decides to take Z to go meet Dad so he’s not driving alone. The Relief Society sisters ask what they can do to help. My mind is blank. We’ve taken care of everything for so many years and we’re good at it. Nothing much needs done. I remember the potatoes I’ve been meaning to harvest for weeks but haven’t had the time or energy to get to. The sisters are pleased to have something to do. I get the garden tool box from the garage and they go out back.
The police officer is about to leave. I think he gives his contact information to G. He gives me a hug and says good-bye.
I’m on the front-porch. My blanket is around me. The day is as calm and unruffled as the blankness inside. I wander across the yard to look through the fence. The potatoes are small but numerous. The bright sun is warm through the blanket.
Uncle S and Aunt T take J and me to the high school. We have to tell M and S. Lunch has just started. S had said her locker was upstairs. I go and see her coming. My face tells her before my voice does. We look for M but can’t find her. We go back to the office. They let us use a back conference room. Someone brings us simple snacks while we try to determine where M is. I go to the choir room – sometimes she spends lunch there. They don’t know where she is. I go back to the office. I stop at the attendance desk. Since Mom’s dead, she can’t be the emergency contact. I have them put me down instead. I go back to the conference room. Somebody found M and now it’s time to go. The secretaries tell us not to worry about the rest of the week.
S and T take us home. The others get their blankets and then S takes us to their home. The sisters sleep. I pretend to. Grandma has come. Maybe I do sleep. Dad comes. He laughs that Bishop’s van broke down and he ended up giving them a ride back. The night is dark. Eventually we go home. Exhaustion conquers all.
***
I had known that Mom would die. It only made sense. As the stress on her systems was magnified by the layered illnesses, it was obvious that, at some point, it would be too much for her body to maintain. I’d just thought it would take two more years. It was months before I finally realized why. There was no logical cause for the connection, but it held. I remembered that cause when I revisited the J. K. Rowling web-site. That summer I had read her autobiography that she has on the site. In it, I had been stunned to learn that Rowling’s mom had also had Multiple Sclerosis. She had died at the age of 45. Mom was 43. I remember thinking, 45. Two more years. I can’t go on forever, but I can do two more years. I was trying to fortify myself to face it.
***
It has been nearly four years. Mom’s death has become the time-central event in my life. Just as history is marked forward and backward from Christ’s birth, so I mark time with Mom’s death. “When did (this) happen? Mom was alive, so it was at least this long ago.”
***
I remember asking Dad what my new role was supposed to be. He was confused. I explained that before, it was to take care of Mom. Dad got mad. He said that it had been his responsibility to take care of Mom. He seemed angry that I should have any right to that claim. He did not give me an answer.
For years I saw myself, my identity, as broken, shattered. I am now learning to be myself and have been happily surprised to find I enjoy it and others seem to as well. It has required I stop talking to Dad and that I not let him talk to me. There has been much difficulty, but I sense that things are now as they should be. And I am coming to know hope. Sometimes I am still tired, but now there is hope.
***
Mom’s parents are still alive. Dad’s parents are still alive. My step-mother’s parents are still alive. Most people’s are. Instead, I have pretend moms. They are women who have known me and somehow love me. None of them are always there, but between them there is almost always someone. There isn’t the strength of blood, but it helps to pretend. And I have found family in church: siblings, parents, now even grandparents. Perhaps I can never return to the home that was and was not, but I have found welcome in many hearts around me. Perhaps they can be home.
I still spend many free hours at church and Institute. It is no longer serving double-duty as a life preserver, but has returned to its standard place as center of my life. I have learned that it is unwise to take Dad's pronouncements of the Savior's opinions of me as factual, and have found great relief in simply living my own life as best I can and trusting Him to see and judge fairly.
November 2, 2004 was a death blow to a floundering child's prayer for a happy, healthy home and family life. But it also cut the strongest string tying me to an unhealthy situation. What was is dead, and at times I still mourn that death, but I would not give up the life I have found growing in its place. Mom's life slipped beyond the mortal realm that day, but now, here, mine is just beginning.
***
November 4, 2008 is coming up. I am excited: it will be my first Presidential Election.
Showing posts with label Mormon. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mormon. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
Thursday, July 25, 2013
'Context' and Motivations Part 2
My last post was more of a focus on Teyla and Michael from Stargate Atlantis. This post takes a look at the same relative story but with a focus on Ronan. While I'm posting in reverse order than the title would lead one to suppose, the Michael and 'motivations' part is needed precursor to understand the concept of Ronan. I suppose you could imagine the words being out of order conceptually but not alphabetically...
As I stated in Part 1, Michael was a wraith turned 'human' by means of a virus and it's all Ronan can do to not kill him each time they come into contact. Initially, this seems a disturbing extreme since the viewer naturally identifies with the people from Earth where we have not grown up under the horror of half our population being killed by wraith feeding. Even Teyla, who has lived under that distress, tries to overcome the natural prejudice (not fully successfully, but consider that she tried). So what's up with Ronan? Why such an extreme reaction? Hatred? Why?
As you enter season 3 of Atlantis, we are reminded of his personal story. He had served in the military trying to protect his planet from wraith depredations. They did not succeed. Rather than escape with the unscrupulous military leader, the woman he loved stayed to help in the hospital and was killed in an explosion. Then he was captured, and when they discovered some fluke meant they could not feed on him, they tagged him with a transmitter and set him loose. Whether for kicks or training or psychological warfare, they hunted the runners down (much like Zaroff hunts Rainsford in "The Most Dangerous Game" by Richard Connell).
While runners did not normally survive for very long (the wraith held all advantage in the hunt) Ronan's military training allowed him to survive for seven long years before meeting the crew from Atlantis. Survival in that galaxy already required avoiding the wraith, but for him it went deeper - hunted day-in and day-out, every wraith was a fight to the death. Kill or be killed. And there was no help from the people who also feared the wraiths' revenge should he be helped. Until, that is, the Atlantis team stumbled upon him. They got the tracking beacon out of him and neutralized it and invited him to join them.
The 'brain' of the group often referred to him as the 'caveman' for his roughness and reliance on brawn, but taken in context with where and what he came from, it makes perfect sense that a man who had to live alone, fighting, hunting his hunters for survival for so long would exude certain character traits. Likewise, the instinct that allowed him to survive is precisely what is seen when he reacts so violently to Michael. There can be no moral condemnation for what created those instincts. Indeed, it is admirable that he restrained himself at all. That is not to excuse the fact that 'us verses them' mentality will always lead to conflict and potentially death, but it does give insight into the difficulties involved in bringing opposing parties to peace. (Consider Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country and how hard it was for Captain Kirk to overcome his distrust and dislike of the race that killed his son - and that was only a single trauma event!)
I am reminded of an event in Mormon history that is not well known and often mis-perceived. While I have not studied up on this event, I have discussed it with a teacher who has and I think it could be enlightening. The 'Mountain Meadows Massacre' is a negative point in Mormon history that media and anti-Mormons like to exploit against us. It is not an event condoned by the church leadership, nor the general membership, and while some claim it was instigated by the Brigham Young, the leader at the time, there is not proof of that and indications otherwise. The point is not to excuse or argue the details, but rather to point out some elements for consideration.
Like Ronan, the Mormons had gone through some pretty nightmare-ish times trying to build a place of safety where they could practice their religion in peace. They would build up one city only to be driven out to find and build up again. From New York, to Ohio, to Missouri where the violence and hatred got so bad the governor issued an 'extermination order' against the Mormons to drive them out or kill them. You see, Mormons didn't support slavery and they were an industrious, religious people. At the time, Missouri was the edge of the frontier and to see good, solid houses and towns built up by a people who don't hold with the loose life-style made them feel rather insecure in their future prospects of continued debauchery. (This is pulling from a general profile of those who participated in the constant attacks. Try looking up the 'Haun's Mill massacre' to get a whiff of the truth of it.)
Before the Mormons were driven out of Missouri in the middle of winter with what little they could carry, some angry members decided they didn't like the treatment and foolishly made things worse by instigating their own attacks and retaliations. Ultimately, it didn't make a difference and they made their ways to the swampy banks of what became Nauvoo, Illinois. There they had some few years of peace but the hatred followed them there as well. After the prophet Joseph Smith and his brother, Hyrum, were martyred, the local militias again drove them from their homes. Many died on the trip across the plains and they thought that, leaving America for the Rocky Mountains (actually part of Mexico territory at the time) might give them a chance for security. Once again, they had to build up an existence from the wilderness - this time the desert.
Ten years of relative peace, and suddenly the United States government decides the Mormons can't be left to themselves. Military presence and immigrant trains from their old tormentors tapped into that decades long fight for survival. Belligerent comments others would ignore triggered the trauma of past realities and the local leaders involved in the massacre, like the foolish Danites, decided they were going to claim the position of power this time. Somehow they thought it was legitimate and convinced themselves certain 'teachings' proved it. (Consider that such distortions and twistings have happened time and again throughout history. An earmark of foolish people rather than flaws in the material.) In the end, some 120 people were killed.
This is not an excuse for what happened. Rather, like Ronan's history allowed for understanding where he had come from and the difficulties that meant for wraith relations, consider that there are similar contextual insights for why and how such things happen. Consider how recognizing and being patient with past traumas rather than scraping at them will better serve the desires for peace for all. It seems that many problems occur because each party is actually only interested in their own situation and either disregards the other or recognizes and taunts the traumas of the past in some perverted idea that it gives them a higher standing by dragging the other down. When the traumas are as deep as these situations, it will take more effort on both parties, but imagine if we actually tried to build everyone up and not just ourselves? Imagine if we set aside our pride of place (it'd have to be awfully lonely on the top...) and sought to lift rather than debase.
Like Part 1 of the post indicates, we can't control the other party. We can only try to open the dialogue. It may work, it may not. But if, like Teyla's ultimate hope that turning the wraith into man would bring peace, our ultimate goal is for good, I think we would do well to consider the contexts and motivations of the parties involved. It will serve to put us on a much more solid ground as we seek that end.
As I stated in Part 1, Michael was a wraith turned 'human' by means of a virus and it's all Ronan can do to not kill him each time they come into contact. Initially, this seems a disturbing extreme since the viewer naturally identifies with the people from Earth where we have not grown up under the horror of half our population being killed by wraith feeding. Even Teyla, who has lived under that distress, tries to overcome the natural prejudice (not fully successfully, but consider that she tried). So what's up with Ronan? Why such an extreme reaction? Hatred? Why?
As you enter season 3 of Atlantis, we are reminded of his personal story. He had served in the military trying to protect his planet from wraith depredations. They did not succeed. Rather than escape with the unscrupulous military leader, the woman he loved stayed to help in the hospital and was killed in an explosion. Then he was captured, and when they discovered some fluke meant they could not feed on him, they tagged him with a transmitter and set him loose. Whether for kicks or training or psychological warfare, they hunted the runners down (much like Zaroff hunts Rainsford in "The Most Dangerous Game" by Richard Connell).
While runners did not normally survive for very long (the wraith held all advantage in the hunt) Ronan's military training allowed him to survive for seven long years before meeting the crew from Atlantis. Survival in that galaxy already required avoiding the wraith, but for him it went deeper - hunted day-in and day-out, every wraith was a fight to the death. Kill or be killed. And there was no help from the people who also feared the wraiths' revenge should he be helped. Until, that is, the Atlantis team stumbled upon him. They got the tracking beacon out of him and neutralized it and invited him to join them.
The 'brain' of the group often referred to him as the 'caveman' for his roughness and reliance on brawn, but taken in context with where and what he came from, it makes perfect sense that a man who had to live alone, fighting, hunting his hunters for survival for so long would exude certain character traits. Likewise, the instinct that allowed him to survive is precisely what is seen when he reacts so violently to Michael. There can be no moral condemnation for what created those instincts. Indeed, it is admirable that he restrained himself at all. That is not to excuse the fact that 'us verses them' mentality will always lead to conflict and potentially death, but it does give insight into the difficulties involved in bringing opposing parties to peace. (Consider Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country and how hard it was for Captain Kirk to overcome his distrust and dislike of the race that killed his son - and that was only a single trauma event!)
I am reminded of an event in Mormon history that is not well known and often mis-perceived. While I have not studied up on this event, I have discussed it with a teacher who has and I think it could be enlightening. The 'Mountain Meadows Massacre' is a negative point in Mormon history that media and anti-Mormons like to exploit against us. It is not an event condoned by the church leadership, nor the general membership, and while some claim it was instigated by the Brigham Young, the leader at the time, there is not proof of that and indications otherwise. The point is not to excuse or argue the details, but rather to point out some elements for consideration.
Like Ronan, the Mormons had gone through some pretty nightmare-ish times trying to build a place of safety where they could practice their religion in peace. They would build up one city only to be driven out to find and build up again. From New York, to Ohio, to Missouri where the violence and hatred got so bad the governor issued an 'extermination order' against the Mormons to drive them out or kill them. You see, Mormons didn't support slavery and they were an industrious, religious people. At the time, Missouri was the edge of the frontier and to see good, solid houses and towns built up by a people who don't hold with the loose life-style made them feel rather insecure in their future prospects of continued debauchery. (This is pulling from a general profile of those who participated in the constant attacks. Try looking up the 'Haun's Mill massacre' to get a whiff of the truth of it.)
Before the Mormons were driven out of Missouri in the middle of winter with what little they could carry, some angry members decided they didn't like the treatment and foolishly made things worse by instigating their own attacks and retaliations. Ultimately, it didn't make a difference and they made their ways to the swampy banks of what became Nauvoo, Illinois. There they had some few years of peace but the hatred followed them there as well. After the prophet Joseph Smith and his brother, Hyrum, were martyred, the local militias again drove them from their homes. Many died on the trip across the plains and they thought that, leaving America for the Rocky Mountains (actually part of Mexico territory at the time) might give them a chance for security. Once again, they had to build up an existence from the wilderness - this time the desert.
Ten years of relative peace, and suddenly the United States government decides the Mormons can't be left to themselves. Military presence and immigrant trains from their old tormentors tapped into that decades long fight for survival. Belligerent comments others would ignore triggered the trauma of past realities and the local leaders involved in the massacre, like the foolish Danites, decided they were going to claim the position of power this time. Somehow they thought it was legitimate and convinced themselves certain 'teachings' proved it. (Consider that such distortions and twistings have happened time and again throughout history. An earmark of foolish people rather than flaws in the material.) In the end, some 120 people were killed.
This is not an excuse for what happened. Rather, like Ronan's history allowed for understanding where he had come from and the difficulties that meant for wraith relations, consider that there are similar contextual insights for why and how such things happen. Consider how recognizing and being patient with past traumas rather than scraping at them will better serve the desires for peace for all. It seems that many problems occur because each party is actually only interested in their own situation and either disregards the other or recognizes and taunts the traumas of the past in some perverted idea that it gives them a higher standing by dragging the other down. When the traumas are as deep as these situations, it will take more effort on both parties, but imagine if we actually tried to build everyone up and not just ourselves? Imagine if we set aside our pride of place (it'd have to be awfully lonely on the top...) and sought to lift rather than debase.
Like Part 1 of the post indicates, we can't control the other party. We can only try to open the dialogue. It may work, it may not. But if, like Teyla's ultimate hope that turning the wraith into man would bring peace, our ultimate goal is for good, I think we would do well to consider the contexts and motivations of the parties involved. It will serve to put us on a much more solid ground as we seek that end.
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
Constitutional Rights and Religious Reactions to DOMA
[Dear God, I've been fighting off a crash all day, but I have something to say and I really need to be able to concentrate because I think it's worth saying. So please help me do this quickly and clearly and then I promise I'll go lay down and rest and watch Stargate like a good little girl. Thank You, Me]
There are strong emotions all around after the Supreme Court ruled against the Defense of Marriage Act today. As I have freely admitted, I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. For those not Mormons, please, keep reading. This is not a place of bashing, but I hope it is one where hurt or anxious feelings are soothed.
Particularly in California, Mormons are seen as the hated force behind Proposition 8, the vote where the majority agreed that marriage, by definition, is between a man and a woman. What has been clouded is the fact that Mormons were far from the majority in that effort. They have also been mis-represented as doing so to attack the LGBT portion of our society. For Mormons, mis-representation is hardly a new thing and one that our mature members recognize as almost routine. But that is hardly the point. Rather, it is a concern to protect our most sacred beliefs - that the family unit is crucial to fulfilling our Heavenly Father's plan on earth.
This is not only a mortal affair, but an eternal one. The family is meant to continue throughout forever. And to achieve these highest blessings possible, the promises must be made in the proper place (the temple) and by the proper authority (one with the legitimate priesthood of God who has been authorized to 'seal on earth and have it be sealed in heaven'. See :Matt. 16:19, Hel. 10:7, and The Guide to the Scriptures - Seal, Sealing). I cannot and do not attempt to speak for God. I can only understand and follow His revealed word as best I can in my honest desires to be true to Him and the church I believe He has formed for His children to be able to have all parts necessary to return to Him. And the crowning point of those needed steps is to be married in God's temple for time and eternity, which marriage is between man and woman. His definition, not ours.
So what about those who chose a different lifestyle? Some will argue it is not actually a choice at all. I believe in some it is and they use the claim 'they were born that way' to side-step responsibility. Some I think are more naturally inclined towards a different way of life. This is the area where the discussion tends to get heated and people feeling attacked on both sides tend to say things that only intensify the antagonism. Again, this is not the place for that.
Religiously speaking, I feel sadness when I think of those living the alternate lifestyles as I see it ultimately having a negative impact on their eternal future and I would want everyone to have the best possible. I would also consider reminding those who claim that 'God made me this way' as an excuse that all people have their weaknesses, temptations, their thorns of the flesh to test and prove them as did Paul in 2 Corinthians 12 wherein God answered:
9 And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness.
Furthermore, in 1 Corinthians 10:13 we are promised:
There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.
I cannot claim to know how God will succor those in this particular situation, but I can say that He helps me every day carry the burdens and sorrows of my own life. His power, His love is real and dependable to all who will steadfastly seek it.
There are, of course, those who will think being considered according to religious views which do not legitimize their positions as distasteful if not insulting. This is where today's title comes into play.
America was primarily peopled by those who sought a refuge where they could fully worship their God the way they believed they were supposed to. Our very first amendment in the Bill of Rights is supposed to guarantee the 'free exercise' of religion. To have the government make rulings on what is to us a religious matter is distressing in the least. To have a religious matter co-opted and secularized places it in the realm that leaves it open for further legal interference. Which directly counters first amendment rights. There is a reason the religious right gets anxious about this subject.
Unfortunately, I think the instinctive anxiety clouds the recognition of why there is so much concern. Admittedly, there is also a portion of the population who are narrow-minded bigots, but to apply that title to all who stand by man-woman marriage merely places the attacker in the same category. Sorry if it hurts to read it, but it is true none-the-less. Bigotry is simply intolerance of any other belief system outside your own and is used as an excuse to attack verbally, politically, physically any who do not comply. As I said, some fall into that category on the religious front, but some are merely seeking to participate in the conversation.
What I'm hoping is that considering what this means to us, both the religious and the alternative life-style people will recognize what our concern truly is. Maybe then there will be less reaction and more honest conversation.
I, personally, think all people should be treated with respect and love. Our scriptures teach that all are welcomed, that the gospel message of Christ and His sacrifice and offers of repentance and forgiveness are available to everyone. And everyone needs it. Each for their own personal situations, but everyone will need to apply the Atonement appropriately to survive this life and return cleansed and refreshed for whatever lies beyond mortality. And as the Declaration of Independence states, "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness." Religion should not stand in the way of civil rights just as those who do not believe should not be allowed to inhibit the 'free exercise' of religion. It goes both ways.
One final note for those who may still be inclined to condemn The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints for voicing our position regardless of public criticism. There are two Responses I would have you read closely - that to today's DOMA ruling and that on the Boy Scout policy regarding gay membership. If you pay attention, the concern expressed in the first is with the process of a government which ignores a legal, public vote rather than any railing attack. It also simply reaffirms our beliefs in man-woman marriage. In the second, you will see that our church welcomes the gay membership ruling under the same terms that we welcome gays in general. Those terms are simply that so long as one lives according to the commandments of God, their particular leanings are no basis for condemnation or exclusion. And those commandments are the same for them as they are for us - that sexual relations are to be shared only between a man and a woman lawfully married. Pre-marital sex is a no-no for everyone. So agrees the majority of religious moral standards. It is, therefore, no more of an inhibitor than any other would face.
I hope this is understandable and received in the spirit in which it was intended. Now, if you all don't mind (my years in Texas are threatening to show through...), I'm going to lay down and rest. My body does not function in certain normal manners and I happen to be having trouble of late. Until the doctors understand what they know happens but not exactly why, let alone what to do about it, that will kinda be the story of my life... With love and best wishes to all - Till next time. :)
There are strong emotions all around after the Supreme Court ruled against the Defense of Marriage Act today. As I have freely admitted, I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. For those not Mormons, please, keep reading. This is not a place of bashing, but I hope it is one where hurt or anxious feelings are soothed.
Particularly in California, Mormons are seen as the hated force behind Proposition 8, the vote where the majority agreed that marriage, by definition, is between a man and a woman. What has been clouded is the fact that Mormons were far from the majority in that effort. They have also been mis-represented as doing so to attack the LGBT portion of our society. For Mormons, mis-representation is hardly a new thing and one that our mature members recognize as almost routine. But that is hardly the point. Rather, it is a concern to protect our most sacred beliefs - that the family unit is crucial to fulfilling our Heavenly Father's plan on earth.
This is not only a mortal affair, but an eternal one. The family is meant to continue throughout forever. And to achieve these highest blessings possible, the promises must be made in the proper place (the temple) and by the proper authority (one with the legitimate priesthood of God who has been authorized to 'seal on earth and have it be sealed in heaven'. See :Matt. 16:19, Hel. 10:7, and The Guide to the Scriptures - Seal, Sealing). I cannot and do not attempt to speak for God. I can only understand and follow His revealed word as best I can in my honest desires to be true to Him and the church I believe He has formed for His children to be able to have all parts necessary to return to Him. And the crowning point of those needed steps is to be married in God's temple for time and eternity, which marriage is between man and woman. His definition, not ours.
So what about those who chose a different lifestyle? Some will argue it is not actually a choice at all. I believe in some it is and they use the claim 'they were born that way' to side-step responsibility. Some I think are more naturally inclined towards a different way of life. This is the area where the discussion tends to get heated and people feeling attacked on both sides tend to say things that only intensify the antagonism. Again, this is not the place for that.
Religiously speaking, I feel sadness when I think of those living the alternate lifestyles as I see it ultimately having a negative impact on their eternal future and I would want everyone to have the best possible. I would also consider reminding those who claim that 'God made me this way' as an excuse that all people have their weaknesses, temptations, their thorns of the flesh to test and prove them as did Paul in 2 Corinthians 12 wherein God answered:
9 And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness.
Furthermore, in 1 Corinthians 10:13 we are promised:
There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.
I cannot claim to know how God will succor those in this particular situation, but I can say that He helps me every day carry the burdens and sorrows of my own life. His power, His love is real and dependable to all who will steadfastly seek it.
There are, of course, those who will think being considered according to religious views which do not legitimize their positions as distasteful if not insulting. This is where today's title comes into play.
America was primarily peopled by those who sought a refuge where they could fully worship their God the way they believed they were supposed to. Our very first amendment in the Bill of Rights is supposed to guarantee the 'free exercise' of religion. To have the government make rulings on what is to us a religious matter is distressing in the least. To have a religious matter co-opted and secularized places it in the realm that leaves it open for further legal interference. Which directly counters first amendment rights. There is a reason the religious right gets anxious about this subject.
Unfortunately, I think the instinctive anxiety clouds the recognition of why there is so much concern. Admittedly, there is also a portion of the population who are narrow-minded bigots, but to apply that title to all who stand by man-woman marriage merely places the attacker in the same category. Sorry if it hurts to read it, but it is true none-the-less. Bigotry is simply intolerance of any other belief system outside your own and is used as an excuse to attack verbally, politically, physically any who do not comply. As I said, some fall into that category on the religious front, but some are merely seeking to participate in the conversation.
What I'm hoping is that considering what this means to us, both the religious and the alternative life-style people will recognize what our concern truly is. Maybe then there will be less reaction and more honest conversation.
I, personally, think all people should be treated with respect and love. Our scriptures teach that all are welcomed, that the gospel message of Christ and His sacrifice and offers of repentance and forgiveness are available to everyone. And everyone needs it. Each for their own personal situations, but everyone will need to apply the Atonement appropriately to survive this life and return cleansed and refreshed for whatever lies beyond mortality. And as the Declaration of Independence states, "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness." Religion should not stand in the way of civil rights just as those who do not believe should not be allowed to inhibit the 'free exercise' of religion. It goes both ways.
One final note for those who may still be inclined to condemn The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints for voicing our position regardless of public criticism. There are two Responses I would have you read closely - that to today's DOMA ruling and that on the Boy Scout policy regarding gay membership. If you pay attention, the concern expressed in the first is with the process of a government which ignores a legal, public vote rather than any railing attack. It also simply reaffirms our beliefs in man-woman marriage. In the second, you will see that our church welcomes the gay membership ruling under the same terms that we welcome gays in general. Those terms are simply that so long as one lives according to the commandments of God, their particular leanings are no basis for condemnation or exclusion. And those commandments are the same for them as they are for us - that sexual relations are to be shared only between a man and a woman lawfully married. Pre-marital sex is a no-no for everyone. So agrees the majority of religious moral standards. It is, therefore, no more of an inhibitor than any other would face.
I hope this is understandable and received in the spirit in which it was intended. Now, if you all don't mind (my years in Texas are threatening to show through...), I'm going to lay down and rest. My body does not function in certain normal manners and I happen to be having trouble of late. Until the doctors understand what they know happens but not exactly why, let alone what to do about it, that will kinda be the story of my life... With love and best wishes to all - Till next time. :)
Friday, June 21, 2013
Many 'Hello's
It turns out that not all of my ponderings can be concentrated into tweet size. As the topic of blogging has recurred many times of late, I figured it was likely my own dislike for writing that was preventing me from 'getting the clue'. And so I've opened up a new blog and shall endeavor to (relatively) consistently document the more complex of said ponderings. I had actually considered using that for my blog name, but I felt the 'Admonition of Paul' found in Philippians 4:8 rather better fit my intent.
Also, I state up front that I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, better known as 'Mormons'. Yes, we are Christians - just look at the name above... That said, I'm not going to pretend that my background does not influence my thoughts in order to make others who dislike my religion feel more comfortable. Be it known up-front that I also will not be saying whatever I end up writing about with the intent of forcing missionaries down the reader's throat. If a scripture or concept peculiar to Mormons has part in my thought processes they will be unapologetic-ally referenced and even explained. I hope the reader will recognize the difference. However, if there is any reader who would like to learn more, I will also happily refer them to more information.
Furthermore, whilst (that's a fun word, isn't it?) I am a member and I strive to have proper understanding and "Stand at a witness at all times, and in all things, and in all places", I do not actually speak for the church.
I read a blog post just this morning by a woman remarking as a Mormon on the current 'bikinis are immodest' issue claiming that modesty is all subjective and only men are responsible for their responses to higher levels of exposed female flesh. While it is true that women and girls need to learn to be at peace with their bodies, we all have a level of responsibility to help and 'sustain' those around us, leading them to do good. If we have a positive or negative influence on those around us, should we not consider ourselves and how we use it? For I believe we will ultimately be held accountable for even that.
This seems quite a tangent, but the reason I mark it here is in concern for the impression this lady, as a Mormon blogger, clearly had in view of the many comments posted. I do not believe her post, while mostly well-intended, actually represents our religion. If, somehow, I get distracted in some passionate response to something and stray from the mark, please recognize I claim my imperfections for myself and strive to correct them as I recognize them and please do not condemn the church in my place.
These points being made, I want to say many 'hello's to any and all who come across this blog. Some of these initial posts will actually be ponderings I wrote a couple years ago (some 15 or so of them - I stopped for my previously noted dislike of writing...). I do have many thoughts on a variety of subjects, but you will likely notice a preponderance of references to stories triggering thought processes. That just happens to be the main way I learn. Whatever I end up writing about, I hope I can promise you that they will all have some depth to them as I don't have much patience for shallow fluff. Hope you enjoy! :)
Philippians 4:8 Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
Also, I state up front that I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, better known as 'Mormons'. Yes, we are Christians - just look at the name above... That said, I'm not going to pretend that my background does not influence my thoughts in order to make others who dislike my religion feel more comfortable. Be it known up-front that I also will not be saying whatever I end up writing about with the intent of forcing missionaries down the reader's throat. If a scripture or concept peculiar to Mormons has part in my thought processes they will be unapologetic-ally referenced and even explained. I hope the reader will recognize the difference. However, if there is any reader who would like to learn more, I will also happily refer them to more information.
Furthermore, whilst (that's a fun word, isn't it?) I am a member and I strive to have proper understanding and "Stand at a witness at all times, and in all things, and in all places", I do not actually speak for the church.
I read a blog post just this morning by a woman remarking as a Mormon on the current 'bikinis are immodest' issue claiming that modesty is all subjective and only men are responsible for their responses to higher levels of exposed female flesh. While it is true that women and girls need to learn to be at peace with their bodies, we all have a level of responsibility to help and 'sustain' those around us, leading them to do good. If we have a positive or negative influence on those around us, should we not consider ourselves and how we use it? For I believe we will ultimately be held accountable for even that.
This seems quite a tangent, but the reason I mark it here is in concern for the impression this lady, as a Mormon blogger, clearly had in view of the many comments posted. I do not believe her post, while mostly well-intended, actually represents our religion. If, somehow, I get distracted in some passionate response to something and stray from the mark, please recognize I claim my imperfections for myself and strive to correct them as I recognize them and please do not condemn the church in my place.
These points being made, I want to say many 'hello's to any and all who come across this blog. Some of these initial posts will actually be ponderings I wrote a couple years ago (some 15 or so of them - I stopped for my previously noted dislike of writing...). I do have many thoughts on a variety of subjects, but you will likely notice a preponderance of references to stories triggering thought processes. That just happens to be the main way I learn. Whatever I end up writing about, I hope I can promise you that they will all have some depth to them as I don't have much patience for shallow fluff. Hope you enjoy! :)
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