"That there should be no schism in the body..."

I have clearly been remiss in keeping up w/ the blog. Truth is, I have been greatly preoccupied in considering an upcoming move, overwhelmed with an influx of the neighborhood garden excess (somehow I'm a critical step in the off-loading process even though I'm harvesting from a simple garden of my own...), and dealing with exhaustion in general from a continuing valley in the overall health state. Writing just hasn't been the highest on my priority list and trouble concentrating beyond the rest has left me with insufficient brain-power to care to focus on any blog-post subject for the time it would take to get one out.

After a couple more big cooking projects to try to use up some of the monster zucchinis that keep showing up on my door-step like morning manna, I'm also quite exhausted today. I'm supposed to be more careful with how long I stand, but between the zucchini recipe and the cookies (hey - after all these veggie dishes, you'd want a treat, too) I kinda pushed the limit. After the previous veggie cook-up (14 cups worth!) I was out of it for two days. Actually fairly out of it right now - you just can't see how many times I zone out while typing before posting.

So why am I sharing the personal? Why am I showing how even a basic project for a few hours (I'm following instructions after all) leaves me so wiped? Why am I even telling you that my life is so limited by health issues that the doctors can only recognize but can't explain or fix? Issues that almost have me house bound. Why even tell you something like that? Why presume you'd even care to hear about it?

Believe it or not, there is actually a purpose. I'm hoping I can focus well enough on it even now because it's a thought that's been percolating in the back of my mind in general and directly applicable to what's been going on in my world of late.

As I said at the beginning, I'm preparing to move in the next couple of months. I have some basic ideas to what I want but I'm not completely sure how to make it work (Heavenly Father will have to do that) or what/how I need to approach it to get what I want out of the move. I don't want to be so isolated anymore but in a ward full of grandparents and in the city of the hated past where I'm always on the watch to avoid interactions with people who'd unknowingly stir it back up, I'm kind of living in my own quiet corner, keeping to myself. But I don't want that to be my life for the foreseeable future.

I want to have people my age to interact with. I want to be close enough to activities and life so that, finally having friends again, I can have to support to be part of life again. I want to be in a situation to try to follow my dreams even though my health's such an unpredictable roller-coaster I can't really guarantee how much I can do or when I can do it. I want to be able to make a difference in the world, see the world, and reach out to people with truth through story and the gospel and I can't bear the thought of sitting around waiting for the doctors to figure it out before I start. I've had blessings say they'll manage it and fix it, but I've finally realized that none of them said when that would happen.

And so it occurs that maybe I can find a place to volunteer. Maybe, by not being an employee, they won't have the pressure of expectations for pay and I won't have the pressure of trying to meet them even if I keep crashing and have to rest. Maybe that will mean they'll have patience with the fact that I don't know much about the film industry and so I can pick things up until the docs do get it straightened out. And then I'd have experience and contacts/references to help me move forward with actual employment.

Only, I've been having enough trouble that I've needed help getting home from church next door one out of every two weeks. I have things I need to do before moving and I don't have enough energy or focus. I don't want to bother people needing enough rides (losing focus and dizzy spells mean driving would be a bad idea...) to do everything since I crash every time I go out. (Note, 'crash' regards to blood pressure falling and muscles not responding and insane sudden weakness/light-headed-ness. Not in reference to driving...)

Are you surprised I've been a bit overwhelmed and even discouraged? How can I imagine that life will be any different when I move? How can I think I can make a difference when I can't even get out on my own to interact with people? How can my life have as much potential now as when my body actually managed to function? What could Heavenly Father actually do with me in this state? Wouldn't/Aren't I just being a burden on everyone? Because I'll clearly need some serious help to do what I'm hoping to. (Those last two questions most indicative of lingering home negativity and abuse...)

I'll tell you something, though. Once I realized that the fear and doubt and discouragement were the opposite of the Lord's purposes (go figure who that indicates...) I was able to recognize how much I have already been helped. I was able to feel the confidence and encouragement and assurance that things actually will pull together. I may not know how. I may not know exactly where it will take me. But once I started seeing the hope, the stress has dropped by half. I'm still super exhausted and I still have much to determine, but the Lord has a purpose even for me.

This brings me to the thought in the back of my head. In 1 Corinthians 12, it talks about the gifts of the Spirit and how we are all part of the body of Christ (metaphorically speaking) and how the body best functions when all the different parts are represented rather than every part being the same. A body of feet couldn't eat. A body of eyes would never get anywhere. A bunch of bones would become a dust heap, and ligaments and tendons are pointless without bones and muscles. The parallels can go as deep as our current understanding of physiology.

Paul is writing this epistle to two sets of people. To those who condemn others for being of less value than they imagine themselves to be. And to those who fear that they are less than others due to the happenstance of their placement in life.

The pituitary glands are said to be the size of grains of rice, yet they have direct influence on how my body (mis-) manages my blood pressure. I am very anxious for the small things that aren't functioning properly to be found and remedied to return the level of activity I previously enjoyed. I care about them because of how they affect me.

But God does not consider our value quite the same way. I've already considered this concept in how I see others and wishing they saw their value, but I'm beginning to consider that and how it actually applies to me. Maybe it's a bit harder for me as I didn't have the benefit of being loved, or appreciated beyond my Cinderella services, at home. Or that dad repeatedly made it clear I had no right to expect or even hope for indications of value, self-worth. Maybe one of the lessons I'm meant to get out of learning to deal with this seriously annoying health situation is not just to ask for and accept help, but that needing help doesn't mean I am lacking. It just is what it is and as I have part in this life, I have just as much right to help and love and purpose and direction as I'd see in every other child of God. Even if things aren't working perfectly. And if God loves and wants to help me because He does, it seems I have no need to feel guilt for imagining and hoping and expecting that He will.

Constitutional Rights and Religious Reactions to DOMA

[Dear God, I've been fighting off a crash all day, but I have something to say and I really need to be able to concentrate because I think it's worth saying. So please help me do this quickly and clearly and then I promise I'll go lay down and rest and watch Stargate like a good little girl. Thank You, Me]

There are strong emotions all around after the Supreme Court ruled against the Defense of Marriage Act today. As I have freely admitted, I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. For those not Mormons, please, keep reading. This is not a place of bashing, but I hope it is one where hurt or anxious feelings are soothed.

Particularly in California, Mormons are seen as the hated force behind Proposition 8, the vote where the majority agreed that marriage, by definition, is between a man and a woman. What has been clouded is the fact that Mormons were far from the majority in that effort. They have also been mis-represented as doing so to attack the LGBT portion of our society. For Mormons, mis-representation is hardly a new thing and one that our mature members recognize as almost routine. But that is hardly the point. Rather, it is a concern to protect our most sacred beliefs - that the family unit is crucial to fulfilling our Heavenly Father's plan on earth.

This is not only a mortal affair, but an eternal one. The family is meant to continue throughout forever. And to achieve these highest blessings possible, the promises must be made in the proper place (the temple) and by the proper authority (one with the legitimate priesthood of God who has been authorized to 'seal on earth and have it be sealed in heaven'. See :Matt. 16:19, Hel. 10:7, and The Guide to the Scriptures - Seal, Sealing). I cannot and do not attempt to speak for God. I can only understand and follow His revealed word as best I can in my honest desires to be true to Him and the church I believe He has formed for His children to be able to have all parts necessary to return to Him. And the crowning point of those needed steps is to be married in God's temple for time and eternity, which marriage is between man and woman. His definition, not ours.

So what about those who chose a different lifestyle? Some will argue it is not actually a choice at all. I believe in some it is and they use the claim 'they were born that way' to side-step responsibility. Some I think are more naturally inclined towards a different way of life. This is the area where the discussion tends to get heated and people feeling attacked on both sides tend to say things that only intensify the antagonism. Again, this is not the place for that.

Religiously speaking, I feel sadness when I think of those living the alternate lifestyles as I see it ultimately having a negative impact on their eternal future and I would want everyone to have the best possible. I would also consider reminding those who claim that 'God made me this way' as an excuse that all people have their weaknesses, temptations, their thorns of the flesh to test and prove them as did Paul in 2 Corinthians 12 wherein God answered:
 9 And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness.
Furthermore, in 1 Corinthians 10:13 we are promised:
There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.
I cannot claim to know how God will succor those in this particular situation, but I can say that He helps me every day carry the burdens and sorrows of my own life. His power, His love is real and dependable to all who will steadfastly seek it.

There are, of course, those who will think being considered according to religious views which do not legitimize their positions as distasteful if not insulting. This is where today's title comes into play.

America was primarily peopled by those who sought a refuge where they could fully worship their God the way they believed they were supposed to. Our very first amendment in the Bill of Rights is supposed to guarantee the 'free exercise' of religion. To have the government make rulings on what is to us a religious matter is distressing in the least. To have a religious matter co-opted and secularized places it in the realm that leaves it open for further legal interference. Which directly counters first amendment rights. There is a reason the religious right gets anxious about this subject.

Unfortunately, I think the instinctive anxiety clouds the recognition of why there is so much concern. Admittedly, there is also a portion of the population who are narrow-minded bigots, but to apply that title to all who stand by man-woman marriage merely places the attacker in the same category. Sorry if it hurts to read it, but it is true none-the-less. Bigotry is simply intolerance of any other belief system outside your own and is used as an excuse to attack verbally, politically, physically any who do not comply. As I said, some fall into that category on the religious front, but some are merely seeking to participate in the conversation.

What I'm hoping is that considering what this means to us, both the religious and the alternative life-style people will recognize what our concern truly is. Maybe then there will be less reaction and more honest conversation.

I, personally, think all people should be treated with respect and love. Our scriptures teach that all are welcomed, that the gospel message of Christ and His sacrifice and offers of repentance and forgiveness are available to everyone. And everyone needs it. Each for their own personal situations, but everyone will need to apply the Atonement appropriately to survive this life and return cleansed and refreshed for whatever lies beyond mortality. And as the Declaration of Independence states, "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness." Religion should not stand in the way of civil rights just as those who do not believe should not be allowed to inhibit the 'free exercise' of religion. It goes both ways.

One final note for those who may still be inclined to condemn The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints for voicing our position regardless of public criticism. There are two Responses I would have you read closely - that to today's DOMA ruling and that on the Boy Scout policy regarding gay membership. If you pay attention, the concern expressed in the first is with the process of a government which ignores a legal, public vote rather than any railing attack. It also simply reaffirms our beliefs in man-woman marriage. In the second, you will see that our church welcomes the gay membership ruling under the same terms that we welcome gays in general. Those terms are simply that so long as one lives according to the commandments of God, their particular leanings are no basis for condemnation or exclusion. And those commandments are the same for them as they are for us - that sexual relations are to be shared only between a man and a woman lawfully married. Pre-marital sex is a no-no for everyone. So agrees the majority of religious moral standards. It is, therefore, no more of an inhibitor than any other would face.

I hope this is understandable and received in the spirit in which it was intended. Now, if you all don't mind (my years in Texas are threatening to show through...), I'm going to lay down and rest. My body does not function in certain normal manners and I happen to be having trouble of late. Until the doctors understand what they know happens but not exactly why, let alone what to do about it, that will kinda be the story of my life... With love and best wishes to all - Till next time. :)